Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
- Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts

Great Britain and the United States are nations separated by a common language.
- George Bernard Shaw

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
- Robert Frost

A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.
- Buster Keaton

One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool
--Edgar Watson Howe

Two lions broke loose in the zoo and were eating a clown. One lion said to the other ... "Does this taste funny to you?"
- Unknown

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
- Peter Ustinov

If the minimum wasn't acceptable it wouldn't be called the minimum.
--George Muncaster (Air Force Wisdom)

I just thought of something funny...your mother.
- Cheech Marin

I'm a classic example of all humorists - only funny when I'm working.
- Peter Sellers

Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny.
- Lyric from Frank Zappa's "Be-Bop Tango"

Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
- Jim Davis

My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil
- Paul Getty

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)